Perimenopause: Menopause’s Little Bitch Sister

Until about five years ago, I was blissfully unaware of menopause’s chaotic little sister:

perimenopause.

“Peri” comes from the Greek for “around” or “about,” which feels like a polite medical way of saying, “Something’s happening, we don’t fully know what, and please stop asking questions unless it’s about erectile dysfunction.”

As a young lesbian coming out in the ’90s, my understanding of menopause was limited to a camp musical and a vague image of older women drinking shandies and laughing too loudly. I was knee‑deep in feminism, Mardi Gras, queer films and self‑discovery - not once imagining what my own hormones had planned for me.

Then I hit 40.

My periods became irregular. My sleep evaporated. My brain turned to soup. And the hot flushes? Forget the gentle glow the pamphlets describe - these were full‑body, primordial peri power surges. I could soak through a fresh shirt in under three minutes without even breaking into a brisk walk. Passers‑by would dodge me like I was a rogue sprinkler system.

But the worst part - for me and for so many women I’ve spoken to - is the cognitive chaos. Low mood. Brain fog. Memory glitches. Irritability. Anxiety. I once put the TV remote in the freezer. (Sorry, honey.)

Perimenopause can also affect libido, cause vaginal dryness, and intensify existing conditions like ADHD or depression. Some women are even misdiagnosed with mental illness for the first time during this stage. It’s a lot.

So why does your body suddenly feel like it’s trying to sabotage every waking moment?

Hormones. Specifically estrogen and progesterone. As your egg supply dwindles, ovulation becomes erratic and hormone levels swing wildly - like toddlers on red cordial. It’s not fun, and it’s not your fault.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: do not let a dismissive doctor minimise your symptoms. Women are still expected to endure things that would trigger a national emergency if middle‑aged men experienced them. If your doctor doesn’t listen, empathise or take you seriously, find one who does. And if you’re met with confusion or judgement about your sexuality or relationship, that’s your cue to leave - not to deliver a lecture on LGBTQIA+ lives while your feet are in stirrups.

Your body and mind are worth advocating for.

The good news? There are ways to manage symptoms. A balanced diet, regular movement, and adequate rest can help. Hormonal contraception or HRT may be options your doctor discusses with you. And it’s important to keep up with routine checks - bone density, iron levels, pap smears, breast health - as you navigate this hormonal rollercoaster.

Perimenopause can last anywhere from two to ten years, so you’ll need a good deodorant, a reliable calendar, and a solid support crew. I feel like I’ve finally rounded a corner - no longer sweating myself into a stupor or raging over poorly foamed lattes. I can see a wholesome future of sensible shoes, miniature goats, and my girl by my side.

And as for Menopause: The Musical? I finally understand why those women looked so happy.

They made it.