tennisball on courtAfter a 6-hour road trip, we were finally in Carnarvon. We found where we had to go and check into the caravan park where we were staying.

I was staying in a room with 2 of the girls I drove over with and another girl from my team in Para. The rest of us were spread around the park in various places. I also found out that the Tom Price team were staying there too. My sister-in-law Nic was in that team as a player/coach and she was staying a stone throw away from me. I had spoken to Amber and she had said the surgery had gone well however she had a horrible migraine, was quite sore and was going home to her parents to rest.

We hung out as our Paraburdoo team for most of the evening and then everyone decided to head to their rooms to get ready for the next day. I decided on the way to my room I would say hi to Nic. I knew some of the Tom Price girls as Amber had played with some of them that season and I ended up hanging with them for about an hour or so.

The next day was day one of the competition. It was fun playing but found it strange not having Amber around me. Even though I argue with her, she is my favourite softball coach and always brings out the best in me. We played 4 games that day and won a couple, which coming from the Paraburdoo team was quite rare. One of the last games was against the team that had a girl in it that I had been talking to on the Internet. I didn’t play that game and watched on the sideline and supported my team.

After the game, I went over to talk to her. She was talking to her friend who happened to be one of my teammates. We said hello and had a little chat and then before I knew it, it was time to go. We hung out again as our team and had a good time. It was nice to spend time with girls I had felt distanced from the previous 4 months.

On Sunday we were ready for day two of the competition. We played a couple of games and the day went fast and finally, it was time for the last game. This was the game I was most looking forward to! I was playing against Nic! We had lunch before we played and some of the team were spread about the diamond. I saw Nic sitting by herself and knew she was going through some personal issues so I thought I’d check on her. We had a quick chat and then lunch arrived.

I saw on the list that I wasn’t going to be playing. I had been playing well and was pissed off that I wasn’t on the lineup and thought, stuff it, I’d go back and sit with Nic as we were having a bit of a deep and meaningful moment. Funny considering we were in the middle of a sports field in the middle of a country town!

I went back ready to warm up and thought maybe I might get lucky and play, who knows? Another girl saw she wasn’t on the list, had a cry and they ended up putting her on. I fought back tears, thinking I wouldn’t cry just to be able to play the game everyone I knew I was excited about.

During the game, I was cheering for our team of course but also cheering for my big sister. She hurt herself at one stage, she was on the ground and in pain, I heard girls in my team laugh and be mean (was this high school??) This made me feel worse while again fighting tears because I was worried she had injured herself seriously after not long ago having knee surgery. I found out later that night that I wasn’t put on the team as I had told Nic our game signals and secrets while I was talking to her before the game (of course I hadn’t) She had represented Australia in softball, she can work out plays on her own! To say I was hurt by those accusations was an understatement. We ended up winning against our biggest rivals in the competition and we’re all excited to finish the weekend on a win.

I met up with Nick after the game and she was feeling upset about the weekend and how some people were treating her. I was feeling emotional about how I felt treated by my own team. We both ended up crying to each other out the back near the toilets. After realising how pathetic we might have looked we sucked it up and went back to our respective teams.

We (the Paraburdoo team) watched the final between the two top teams of the weekend. One of those teams had that girl in it from the Internet. I couldn’t help but watch her, she was playing well and the team was fun to watch. It was nice to sit in my own world and escape from the hurt feelings I had.

That night we had the presentation evening and wind up. We had fun as our team and we all had a few drinks. We watched the trophy presentation and some girls from our team did really well and managed to score a couple. Once all the formalities were over it was time to dance and enjoy ourselves.

I had some missed calls on my phone and then realised I hadn’t heard Amber calling. She was annoyed as I had not returned any of her calls. I was feeling annoyed that she was angry at me and felt like she didn’t believe me that I just really hadn’t heard it and it was going to go flat soon! She was in pain still and just wanted to talk to me, I felt bad that I couldn’t do anything for her. So we said good night and I would talk to her later.

I ended up catching up with that girl again and were busy chatting away. I don’t dance but as I had a few to drink I ended up getting up and having a dance. We were having a lot of fun, I couldn’t even remember the last time I had felt so happy to just enjoy myself all the while not thinking about anything or anyone else.

I was busy watching my friend get more silly and drink more, I thought I had better stay to look after her to make sure she got back to our room ok and thought while I was there I might as well enjoy the company of this other girl. I could feel a connection with her and be starting to feel guilty about it. It wasn’t just friendship I was feeling here. In the nick of time, the music stopped and it was the end of the evening. It was time for us to say goodbye and I would be lying if I said I didn’t want something to happen. I kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye. I got my friend and another Paraburdoo girl who was still there and we walked back to the caravan park.

My friend was drunk and rambling and we ended telling me a few things I wasn’t expecting, Like how she felt attracted to girls. This surprised me, well it didn’t actually surprise me as I had suspected it, however, I was shocked that she was revealing this to me. Being a little tipsy and still emotional myself I ended up revealing to her how I was attracted to this other person. She also said that she was attracted to someone on that same team, to think of it, I had seen her dancing and chatting to one girl. She also revealed why I didn’t get to play the Tom Price game, something that really gutted me. Feeling emotional I thought it was best to go to bed as we had to go home the next morning.

The next day I felt horrible. What happened last night? Why did I feel this connection with someone else? What did that mean? Did I cheat on Amber? Did I want to? Did I want to be with Amber anymore? The other girl who revealed her secret to me was rather quiet herself that morning. We packed everything up ready to leave and off we went. I was driving and just wanted to get home. I needed to process this information.

It was a very quiet ride on the way home. We were all tired because of a long tiring weekend and I know the two of us had a lot on our minds. I looked in the rearview mirror a few times and saw my friend sleeping or at least pretending. I remember at the halfway point on our trip home we bumped into this other team. Seriously?!? I was trying to get this person out of my head! She came over to my car and we said another hi and bye to each other. The rest of the trip was even more silent if that was possible?!

I was glad to get home, I had just driven the entire 650km myself and I had to take Nic to the airport as she was going down to Perth. This meant that I was in Paraburdoo all by myself. Amber was away and so was both of her sisters. I think this made things worse, I just kept thinking.. what if? I spoke to Amber that night and she knew I was distant and not telling her something. I said I was just tired and would talk to her tomorrow.

The next day we spoke again, but I didn’t want to talk to her. I was so confused! I had to make a decision on if I should tell her what happened that weekend or lie to her, I really didn’t know what to do with the feelings I had for this girl.

Funnily enough (or not) the girl I felt the connection with and the girl who revealed she was attracted to girls ended up together within the next year!