Everyone has at least one bad habit.
Researching the top 6 personal bad habits, this is what I came across:
1. Complaining.
2. Addictions – smoking, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping. You get the idea.
3. Blaming others instead of taking responsibility.
4. Always apologising – saying sorry before speaking or doing something.
5. Interrupting people mid-sentence.
6. Nail biting.
Are you nodding your head at any of those?
Another place bad habits can show up is in relationships.
The following six bad habits in relationships have been reported on many occasions to be the reason for couples breaking up.
1. Your partner’s behaviour. Does it drive you nuts when your honey leaves the dirty dishes in the sink? What about toothpaste etiquette or dirty laundry.
2. Waiting for your partner to initiate affection and intimacy.
3. Taking your partner for granted and not appreciating them.
4. Being on devices sat in front of the TV instead of being present with your honey.
5. Criticizing or being hostile towards your partner, work or family.
6. Not talking about the things that are bothering you. You would instead bottle it up than air it with your partner.
Does any of those resonate with you? You wouldn’t be on your own – I can say yes to ALL of those. How about you?
Seriously, I can say yes to all of those.
Let me take you back to 12 years ago. I was in the early days of a new relationship with my girlfriend. I was addicted to partying, smoking and drinking. I didn’t take responsibility for my life and making decisions. I didn’t make them. I WAS that person that would moan, complain and gossip in the office with my colleagues. People would go out of their way to not be around me. That was me.
I had MANY personal bad habits and even more bad habits in relationships. I was pretty rubbish at being in a relationship, to be honest. I hated conflict, so I would bury my head in the sand when there was tension. I was the ONE with the behaviour traits driving my honey nuts. I had no idea about positive thinking or any of that stuff – I was constantly criticising or pessimistic about what was going on.
So what happened?
Well, I realised I needed to be different. To be in a loving and connected relationship. To be around people. And to be comfortable with me. Something needed to change.
Let me talk you through the three step-method I used to break all of those bad habits.
Step 1.
Identify what your bad habits are. List them all. Personal, relationship-based, social ones, work ones. Write them all down. Then pick ONE. Only one.
Step 2.
What are the triggers to you making that bad habit? What makes you step into that habit? List all the situations, people and so on.
Step 3.
This is where the magic lies… Tune in to what is going on when you are triggered. WHY are you starting? Journal on that.
Let me give you an example. Let’s take ‘waiting for your partner to initiate affection’. Why do you do that? Is it because you don’t want to feel rejected or unloved? Is it because you believe they would initiate affection if they loved you? Identify what is going on underneath that.
Please get to the core of why you are triggered and understand it. Is this a pattern in your life? Where else does it show up in your life? Where does this originate in your past? When you understand WHY you are triggered, it will set you free.
I don’t say this lightly. I know because I have taken myself through ALL of the 12 bad habits I talked about earlier and broken through them. Now, I take my clients through the same process – with bad habits, wonky beliefs and old conditioning. I’ve witnessed enormous transformations for them – how they show up personally, in their relationships and at work.
Begin by making a difference with one. Take ONE lousy habit and go through this process. See it through to step 3, and I can promise you, you will have a breakthrough. You won’t need to deal with the triggers; you won’t need to replace behaviours or look at practising for 28 days (it takes 28 days to break a habit).
It will disintegrate before your eyes when you get to the root cause.
