ImmaniDear Immani,

Is crushing on another woman emotional cheating? My partner and I have been together for 7 happy years and I am very much in love with her but recently I have been daydreaming about my colleague. I can’t get her out of my head. Nothing has happened but last night when I was making love to my partner I was fantasizing it was my colleague!

Lisa, Redfern

Dear Lisa,

Crushing is not cheating. Cheating is cheating. Everyone fantasizes, it’s a healthy form of expression and I’d honestly be concerned if you WEREN’T fantasizing. If you feel that you might do more than fantasize, that would be the time to have a conversation with your partner, otherwise, keep giving your partner hotter sex with your imagination fueling the flame until the spark fizzles out (which it will!)

I. Love

Dear Immani,

Help I don’t like pussy (cat)! I’m dating a hot, smart and sexy as F girl. We enjoy each others company and have lots of fun. But I’m allergic to her cat! She has this mega fluffy and affectionate cat that rubs itself all over, making my eyes water, skin itchy and asthma play up. I’m worried if I tell her it will be a deal breaker.

Katie, Canberra

Dear Katie,

If she hasn’t noticed your runny nose, blotchy skin, and struggle breathing she may not be the one for you. But seriously, if you are allergic, you’re allergic. No amount of fun is going to change that. Either tell her and see what she suggests (maybe she’ll spend more time at your place or offer to re-home the cat) or buy stronger allergy meds and deal with it.

I. Love

Dear Immani,

I have been chatting online with a woman for about 2 months. She and I have lots in common and can talk for hours about anything and everything. But every time I suggest we should meet in person she changes the topic or backs away. The last time I suggested we meet, she said she was nervous because she has never had a sexual relationship with a woman before. Do I believe her or am I being ‘catfished’?

Debbie, Ashfield


You are being Catfished, move on.

I. Love

Dear Immani,

Three years ago I underwent treatment for breast cancer and had both my breasts removed. I am now cancer free and want to get back out on the dating scene. Do you have any tips to help me reconnect with my body and sensuality?

Sandra, Kings Cross

Oh my amazing warrior Sandra!

One of the first things I want to say is congratulations on winning your fight!! Second, your breasts are not the center of your sensuality, your heart and mind are. Every warrior who has won a battle shows their scars with pride, yours are no different. Start by embracing them, massage them, and remind your skin and nerve endings around them what a sensual touch feels like. Don’t be afraid to look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that this beautiful body is what SUCCESS looks like…and winning is SEXY.

I. Love



The Love Doctor, Immani Love. Immani is an American lesbian erotic author, poet, and educator that travels around the world providing sensuality and eroticism seminars. She writes books and poems about love and relationships and now she’s writing for you! Each column will answer your questions about love, sex, relationships, sexuality, or just how to talk to women.