Author Queerie Bradshaw
Author Queerie Bradshaw

“How beautiful is the universe when something digestible meets with an eager digestion.” –Don Marquis

Foreplay is like preparing a complicated sauce.

A pinch of this here, a dash of that there, constantly testing to see if you’ve got it right, and once you have, slowly simmering just below a boil until you can’t take it anymore and you have to spread it and eat.

Sure, you can use canned sauce like everyone else, but—when you’ve got the skills—it’s always better to create your own recipe.

I get off on cooking for others, especially sexual partners. In a society of fast food and boxed lunches where no one is taught to cook anymore, I find one of the easiest ways to seduce a woman is to cook for her.

Between finals and packing my house to move, I haven’t had a chance to cook for someone in months. So, when Cinco de Mayo fell on a relatively calm day, I decided to host an Enchilada Escapade and invite Peek A. Booty over for a taste.

Always a fan of options, I offered two types of enchiladas that evening—shrimp and asparagus for the seafood lovers, and sweet potato, corn and spinach for the vegans—and multiple varieties of tequila. My friends brought Coronas and side dishes, and we all revelled in the evening off of studying.

With all my big talk about making my own sauce above, I must admit that I used a variety of canned sauces mixed together for my enchiladas that evening. I figured that, in times of need, a canned sauce is better than no sauce at all.

Unfortunately, the same sentiment extended to sex for that evening as well. As soon as everyone else left, Booty and I rushed to the bedroom, tore off our clothes, and had a quickie.

It wasn’t bad, in fact, it was rather good, but it lacked the creativity and originality that I usually bring to sex. I hate to think that I’ve become a canned goods lover, but the truth is, finals are exhausting and I don’t have the time or energy for complicated sauces.

Luckily for me, Booty is just as busy, and she rushed out the door faster than I did, already late for her show.

Realizing I was hungry again, I threw back on my fluffy robe and hat and headed to the kitchen to reheat some enchiladas.

Laying on my couch, bodily cravings satisfied in multiple ways, I realized that, as much as I knock it, sometimes canned sauce is all we really need.