Where Do I Get Me Some of That?!Tips for having that wild, romance novel kind of sex.

Oh, to have a passionate love life that reads something like a romance novel:

“It’s been way too long and this day has finally arrived. Eva knocks on Cheri’s door for the first time since admitting that she’s in love with her after denying it for so, so many years. Cheri rushes to the door and grabs Eva with the thunderous force of a thousand tsunamis. She quickly whisks Eva inside her tiny apartment and they lock into an impenetrable embrace– thrashing wildly about and knocking over everything in their path like a swirling tornado! They continue to ravage every inch of one another, barely catching their breath between their vampire kisses. Hours of carnal passion has left their bodies, clothes and apartment in utter ruins–but their desires remained well intact…”

Oh, those cheesy—but juicy—romance novels with all kinds of forbidden love, crazy passion and otherworldly sex! Why oh why can’t we all have that kind of wild action all the time? Well, unfortunately, the reality of everyday life doesn’t always allow us to tear the house apart with our passions. But even with all our crazy, hectic lives, we can still find the time to at least mess up our sheets a bit. I sayyes, Yes, YES!!! To more wild sex!! Excuse me as I catch my breath (and fix my blouse). I want what all those romance characters are having—one heck of a good time! And guess what? We can all have it!

We’re all too familiar with the term “Lesbian Bed Death” and, unfortunately, many of us have had the great displeasure of hearing the words “Not tonight honey I have a headache”, especially when those words are coming from you!  The good news is that LBD is a curable disease, my friends. But we must wonder what comes first—the headache or the bed death? Truthfully, we all have our long, hard days at work or with the family and just aren’t always in the Barry White kind of mood (I bet Cheri and Eva are probably changing baby diapers right now!) But let’s not deny that there are plenty of times where we are spending more time watching reality shows of people getting it on than actually getting it on ourselves.

So how do we fix our LBD and have that kind of romance novel, wild and crazy carnal sex? Simple: we just make it a point to do so. Yes, and we may have to actually pencil it into our planners and get off all those darn devices (hey, I’m just as guilty, look where I am now!) But it’s even better if you don’t plan it and try something totally different like going for some SOS (Spontaneous Outbursts of Sex). Yes, just go for it—anywhere at any time—and quickly before anyone decides they have a headache.

You could just ravage your mate at the door after a tough day at work and not get past the hallway like Cheri and Eva, or be a bit more subtle and gently lure them into the bedroom, carefully undress them and give them a deep, sensuous massage to wipe away all their worries. You can also cozy up to them naked under a bathrobe or lingerie while they are reading the newspaper—or even better, surprise them in the shower for a hot, steamy tryst! Turn off that darn boob tube (TV) and start feeling some real boobs again! You can also meet them mid-afternoon for a delicious lunch date at a Motel 8 that they will never forget—and will surely send them back to the office with the widest, guiltiest grin on their face that will raise their co-worker’s eyebrows with envy!

Be daring and do a sidestep into one of those fun sex shops and actually buy fruit flavoured edible undies or that strange, pink thingy that makes you guys giggle! There’s also a bunch of fun singles or couple’s six workshops to help you spice things up a bit, just make sure they are run by a reputable and licensed sex therapist or certified sex coach and beware of online sites—be referred by a trusted friend, and be sure they are in a very safe and well-known environment. Remember to proceed with caution if you’re thinking of going all kinky Fifty Shades of Grey (EL James) on your partner—reality must trump fantasy here, you must always respect your partner’s feelings, mood and comfort level above all things—and always practice safe sex.

A lover should also be conscientious of their own personal sex appeal, which is key to being an irresistible and delectable treat to their mate. Let’s not forget that the most seductive foreplay and turn on has more to do with one’s words than hands. Treating each other with kindness, consideration and respect during the day is definitely the spark to the flame at night. And the opposite will surely put out any amorous flame quicker than you can say, “Sorry, I have a headache dear!”

Is it really a headache or is there some underlying resentment hanging around like a cold draft, which simply won’t allow that spark to ever get ignited?  Couples therapy can also be helpful in clearing the air so you can get back to the reasons you dug each other in the first place. Yes, the good ole days–the wild first dates where you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. I suggest you work towards getting some of that hot salsa out from the kitchen and back into the bedroom because even though our libidos may be on hiatus–we need to be intimate, kissed, caressed, loved and desired never truly seizes. There’s certainly no age limit to passion—in fact, it’s like a fine wine—it only gets better and more refined with time!

If you feel your lack of libido has more to do with mental or health-related issues, then please check with your physician or consult with a gynecologist or therapist to help you scale those hurdles that may be interfering with your Harlequin Romance Novel sessions. You know sessions like making mad, passionate love on a windy cliffside against a fiery sunset (throw in some white doves flying overhead for an even greater effect).

Yes! Yes!! YES!!! I believe in the power of the almighty libido! And don’t be too shy to speak up during sex however difficult that may be and simply ask (or maybe beg or demand depending on your role) for what you’d like done to you. Just know that you can have your cake and eat it too—even with the same person! You can jump right into one of those lusty novels and become your favourite hot character (although you might want to avoid the windy cliffs). Perhaps you see yourself as the irresistible and coy, eye-batting, corset busting damsel in distress tied to those train tracks just waiting to be properly saved again and again and again! Or maybe you’d prefer being the big, brave tough and dominant Cowboy stud in gritty, ripped, dirt-stained jeans who rushes in on his big horse (with an even BIGGER ‘gun’) to swoop in and save your hot, dishevelled damsel again and again–and again!

So, whether you are the very helpless damsel or the very helpful Cowboy– don’t ever lose your passion for making love–it is the internal spark that fuels our very existence. It is the reason we LOVE who we love in the first place, and makes the rest of all our daily work, chores and responsibilities worthwhile. Heck, it is, without a doubt, one of the major things that makes this crazy life of ours worth living. Be courageous and break out of your confining shell; each one of us has a sexy, feral tiger hiding beneath our beautiful, wondrous curves or big, broad muscles just waiting to bust free!

So call the housekeeper in advance, ‘cause I’m voting for a National Sex Day! Are we all in folks? Great!! And don’t forget the chocolate-covered strawberries, edible undies—oh, and that pink thingy!