Queerie Bradshaw
Queerie Bradshaw

It’s probably not surprising that I’m a big advocate for masturbation.

You can’t expect someone else to please you if you don’t know how to do it yourself. Yet, many of my close friends, especially the coupled ones, hardly ever masturbate

.Just because I’m hanging out on the couch for a bit, doesn’t mean I can’t have fun while I’m here. Between Babeland and Good Vibrations, I have a three-drawer nightstand full of entertainment that doesn’t even require me leaving the house, just maybe occasionally switching from the couch to the bed.

Besides the obvious shame and guilt that touching oneself conjures in our Puritanical society, there’s a lot of misconception around the effects of masturbation, even in liberal-minded circles.

For example, one of my friends doesn’t masturbate anymore because she’s afraid it will affect her and her partner’s already waning sexual drives. She figures that they barely have sex as it is right now and if she masturbates she won’t want sex at all.

On the other hand, I think that self-pleasure and partner-pleasure are two different and distinct entities that aren’t mutually exclusive but instead playoff and benefit each other.

No matter how mind-blowingly stupendous your partner is in bed, they’ll never be able to read your mind and touch you exactly how you want to be touched. And no matter how nimble your fingers or creative your imagination, you’ll never be able to recreate the feeling of having another person join you in pleasure.

I find that when I masturbate it just makes me want to have a sexual partner even more, not in that depressing lonely way—although that does sadly happen sometimes—but mostly in that, Oooh I wanna try this on someone else kind of way.

When I take some time out to sit on the sidelines like I am right now, I don’t see it as time off from the game completely but instead as a time to hone my skills for when I jump back into the big leagues.

Luckily for me, I’ve got quite a collection of tools of the trade to choose from for my practice sessions. Luckily for you, I’m willing to share some of the highlights of that collection.

This blog isn’t about comprehensive reviews of sex toys, you can go to my website if you want that, but I thought I’d still offer five must-haves for those who may need some inspiration in their masturbation.

1. The Fling by NobEssence

Here I am again, declaring on this blog that The Fling – made from bamboo, a renewable resource, and shaped into a wonderfully bulbous shaft with a handle – is by far my favorite friend in bed.

2. The Crash Pad Series

Whether you buy them on DVD or join as a member online, they’re well worth the price. I particularly love this series because it’s where I first found out that my resident assistant from when I lived in the dorms in college is now a super sexy famous porn star. I seriously missed the boat there.

3. Sliquid Lube

Good lube will prevent chafing while increasing sensitivity and this organic lube does just that.

4. Earth Angel

It’s not only the best slim-lined simple vibrator I’ve seen in a while, but it’s also made from recycled plastic and recharges by using a hand-crank, so you can save landfill space, gain karma and cum all at once.

5. Tight Places, A Drop of Color

I have a total thing for women of color, so I was thrilled when I saw this porn at the store and even more ecstatic when I got home and watched it.

All of the above toys can be bought online at Good Vibrations or Babeland, two queer friendly, women ran companies, or better yet, find your own local sex-positive store and shop there. Who knows, you might end up meeting someone worth getting off the couch for at one of the store’s weekly sex workshops, I know I have.