2 women drinking red wine and smiling

Because they don’t (all) walk around wearing “I love labia” t-shirts

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person who finds it incredibly difficult to meet fellow lady-loving ladies, and it can get lonely and frustrating in equal measure.

But in the six years, I’ve been “out”, I’ve become very adept at spotting lesbians and bi women in the wild (as in, not in LGBT bars), and am very thankful for my Gaydar – I would be perpetually alone without it. So, here are the four ways that I have found most successful in securing that introduction with another gay/bi woman, listed in order of the amount of pride and self-respect you have to sacrifice to achieve your goal.

Join A Sports Team 

Yes, yes, I know. How incredibly stereotypical. But the truth is, a lot of lady-loving women are athletic and although this may not be true across the board, a lot of your local football/netball/hockey clubs are likely to have a few gay and bi gamers on the team. Now, I’m not athletic. In fact, me playing hockey is just the quickest way of getting a concussion. But even if you don’t want to actually play, they can’t stop you from watching (she said, creepily), so go and support your local game and stand on the sidelines eyeing up the MVPs. You may find yourself playing the field before you know it.


Not only is this good for the community but it’s great for your romantic life, too. Now I’ve found that a lot of the best women I’ve met are prone to enjoying a busy life and aren’t afraid to do things alone. In fact, going solo in their extracurricular activities seems to appeal to them. (No, that wasn’t a metaphor for masturbation.) A certain breed of queer women actually loves their own company and doing things by themselves, it helps form a sense of identity. And if you can help others? Well, that’s a win all around. Volunteering alone can actually seem pretty nerve-wracking, but I’ve found myself meeting a lot of women this way. Truth is, the karma-driven, soul-searching, selflessly altruistic attitude is one that I find in a lot of queer women. And yes, I know straight people are this way too, but those aren’t the ones I’m stalking around the soup kitchen. Trust me, give it a try. Your next date may be driving the help the elderly bus or fundraising for the homeless.

Online Dating

Okay, I know this can be time-consuming and incredibly embarrassing, but just do it. What puts women off online dating is: they’re still in the closet and don’t want to be discovered or they don’t know what to say. Filling in all those little boxes can be daunting, but don’t be one of those “OHMYGODTHISISSOEMBARRASING!” douchebags who make the rest of us feel like we’re idiots for bothering to take the time to fill in our own correctly. We all have to do it, so just play the game. If you’re struggling, then get a friend to describe you instead! Me and Twinny (I have also a queer twin sister) helped each other out with our profiles and, although I failed spectacularly at online dating, Twinny rocks it. Be confident, have thick skin (you’re not going to be everyone’s type, don’t take it personally) and check in regularly. Fresh faces join all the time, so keep an eye out and you’ll find someone suitable soon.

Ask Friends To Set You Up

Your friends know gay and bi women. They just might not know it yet. But within your circle, I guarantee it, there will be handfuls of women just dying to meet you. So (and I know this takes a slight slash to your pride to do) just start asking your friends to keep their eye out. It’s like nookie-networking. Make it known that you’re on the market and actively looking, and your friends will be more than happy to help you with your hunt. It’s like the six degrees of separation. But it’s like one degree. If you don’t ask, you don’t get it, so start asking around and see if your friends/colleagues/brothers know anyone and they could be the link you’ve been looking for. And who doesn’t want to be the one to have set up a new same-sex couple? How incredibly fashionable it will make them. Your friends and family care about your happiness and so will be more than happy to help out.

There you have it, my top tips on how to stalk down the sapphic women in your area. Just don’t try combining any of the above – trying to seduce your friend’s closeted boss who works at the local homeless shelter after stalking them down as they play hockey is a bit of an overkill. Use wisely. And enjoy! You’re out of the closet and the hard part is over! Welcome to the wonderful world of living your True Life. Don’t be disheartened, persevere, and you’ll find happiness before you know it. I promise.