Hoping to learn more about my newfound ability to ejaculate from the experts themselves, I signed up to attend the Masturbate-a-thon, an annual fundraiser for the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco.

Having spent all Sunday afternoon in an anti-oppression legal activist training seminar, Bearly Legal and I welcomed the much-needed change of scenery. Joined by his boyfriend, The Bear, we meandered from room to room, watching more petite masturbation than I had hoped.

Arriving just in time for the squirt competition, we watched as a quirky kinkster unrolled a sheet of white paper for the competitors to compete on.

Moving to closer seats, I sat down next to who I eventually recognised as porn star Tina Horn, wearing the sexiest jockstrap ever that accentuated her fantastic ass and contradicted the femininity of the rest of her ensemble.
After waiting half an hour, it was clear no one was going to step up to the plate to complete. The only person still masturbating was the same over-tanned man constantly jerking off at these events,  and he didn’t have any bullets left in his gun.

Turning, highly disappointed, to Tina Horn—sitting on fellow porn star Roger Wood’s lap—I asked her if she knew what was happening in the other room.

I almost squealed when she told me that Courtney Trouble of NoFauxx.com was about shoot two porn scenes in front of a live audience, the first with April Flores and the second with Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley.

Practically running, I made my way to the other room just in time to get one of the last seats in the viewing area.

In all their sexual glory, there were some of the top queer adult entertainers in the industry. These performers opened my eyes to gender-bending sexuality, forced me to question my sexual stereotypes and are the images I turn to when my straight friends ask how us lesbians “do it.”

Having studied cinema as an undergrad, I was fascinated with the dynamics on set and probably paid too much attention to the lighting and camera angles considering naked persons were exploring each other right before me.

I’m sorry to say that April Flores’s scene was uninspiring. It was spectacular when she was on her own, but I wasn’t impressed with her bio-male partner’s lack of spark. As much as he stated his excitement, his body seemed apathetic to be there, and I can’t support anyone relaxed about having sex with the glorious April Flores.

Nina Hartley and Jiz Lee, however, were utterly spectacular.

Jiz Lee (who goes by the pronouns they/them) did yoga on set to warm up and was adorably excited about having sex with the famous Nina Hartley. They shaved for the occasion, a rarity for the usually au natural Jiz Lee.

Nina Hartley, always the educator, talked her way through the whole experience, and I cheerfully left with some new techniques to try out.

After Nina Hartley and Jiz Lee finished their sexcapades, director Courtney Trouble handed over her camera and sat on the fabulous shell-shaped couch, shoes off and legs open. One thing led to another, and soon the five-member cast of the porn was on top of her, pleasing them in every way possible.

And there, in that wonderfully organic orgy, I finally got to see someone ejaculate.

Thank you, Courtney Trouble, for making my sex dreams come true.