There’s been so much already written about this epic ending to Season 5 of Wentworth, that there’s not really a lot left to say.

So I’ll be brief! Firstly, Jake tries to weasel his way back into Vera’s good books, and she tells him in no uncertain terms to fuck right off, I’m having none of this, you’re the single worst mistake I’ve ever had, now stay the fuck away from me, you little slimy worm. Looks like that’s the end of that.

I was totally wrong on Sonia becoming Top Dog. Channing comes to see Kaz where she isolated somewhere – but it doesn’t look like the slot, and tells her the women need their Top Dog, but she should get in first before Ferguson comes gunning for her. She’s a little surprised at this – she doesn’t know what a low-life scumbag Channing really is.

She also doesn’t know that Joan is terrified for her life (no surprise there), and that he has refused her request for protection. She’s a great big weight around his neck with the threats she makes against him because of what she has over him, so as far as he’s concerned, the quicker the women ‘take care of her’, the better.

I am the victim here!

Joan can’t help herself, however, having cracks at both Vera and Will for being ‘too nice’ and ‘letting their humanity get in the way when they both had opportunities to be rid of her. She asks Vera to help her get into protection, but Vera’s line, while sad for Vera, made me laugh at loud at the irony – “I’m afraid I have no power any more. You did too good a job on me.” Suck on that Freak. Meanwhile, Will is tormenting himself that he should have let her die in the fire at the end of season 3, and none of the shit that’s happened since would have occurred. But Joan makes such a good villain!

Liz has become terrified that Sonia is going to kill her and goes to Franky to make her promise to protect her. Franky being Franky tells Allie that the BDE is off until the next shipment goes out, but Allie’s not happy. She goes to Liz and tells her she needs to let Franky go and not put the pressure on her to protect her, so Liz tells Franky she was just having a bit of an anxiety attack and she’s all good now. Once Franky is reassured she tells Allie the BDE is back on.

While unpacking some mulch for the garden, Liz finds a stash of gear – obviously part of the “we’re back on” thing between Joan/Sonia/Jake from a few episodes ago, which really seemed to have very little point looking back on it, because they never went back there, and it appeared Jake was not longer bringing the gear in, and Tina wasn’t lauding it around the place etc.

But now it is back to provide us with this little piece, which is necessary for what comes next. Tina and crew come marching over when Liz finds the gear, grabbing it from her, but sneaky Liz has nabbed a bottle of something and now looks to have taken her final revenge on Sonia for all the taunting and emotional mind-fucking she’s been putting her through. While she’s no longer Boomer’s mate because of the Witness-X lagging thing, she does get Booms to take Sonia a cup of tea she’s made as a ‘gesture of good will and friendship.’ Next thing Sonia’s in full ‘I’m dying here’ mode, passed out on the floor with an ambulance on the way.

During the ensuing hoo-hah Liz swaps the tea-cups, takes the poisoned one back to her block and calmly washes it up with a few other dishes, then goes and smashes the bottle and flushes the broken bits down the toilet. Boomer is heartbroken that someone else she loves might be about to leave her, but fingers crossed for Liz that the evidence is sufficiently concealed, cos the last thing she needs is an attempted murder charge added to all the other things she has piled up in front of her.

There was something not quite right about that cup of tea…

So the BDE. It’s on. Booms has worked out that Franky and Allie are planning the BDE, and begs Franky not to do it, saying they’ll shut down the workshop and she needs that workshop cos it makes her important and respected and how could Franky take that away from her? And if she does try it, she’ll lag – that’s how serious she is. Franky counters with ‘I need the opportunity to clear my name – would you take that away from me?’ and they’re at a bit of a stalemate.

Franky and Allie use the two-way radio that her dad got them, and head off to the workshop, but when Snakey-Jakey runs into the guard from the workshop who’s been tricked by a fake call, he suspects something is up and goes to investigate. Franky and Allie are hiding within a breath’s distance as Jake looks around, and as soon as it’s clear they high tail it back to the main blocks. Only Allie gets busted before she can get there. She tells Franky it was all cool, she made some shit up and Mr Stewart believed her. Ok, we try again later.

There’s a screw loose in here! (Get it – in the workshop… there’s a screw loose? And Jake’s in there… oh never mind.)

So Jake tells Will he thinks he’s discovered an escape plan, and we of course, think the BDE is about to be thwarted. But no, Franky makes it back to the workshop, despite running into Boomer, and we have all taken a side. #TeamBoomer wants her to lag so the workshop stays open, and #TeamFranky wants Boomer not to so Franky can get away. But Booms being Booms, ends up distracting the guard, “I’m bored – do ya want a gobby?” while Franky gets herself back into the workshop with all the bits and pieces she needs to conceal herself, and gets inside a box. Soon she hears someone else do the same. And they’re on their way. Out of Wentworth and off to a holding shed somewhere. Franky stays hidden for a bit and hears a car arrive, some footsteps, movement and a box being taken off the pile. She’s confused, and becomes ever more so when she gets herself out and calls Allie’s name but there’s no Allie. Fuck! But we soon see Allie sitting on her bed in her cell writing a letter, which Franky then pulls out when she outs on her change of clothes and puts her hand in her pocket.

Mr Stewart didn’t believe me, so I’m staying behind, but there’s been a change of plans, one that will avenge Bea and make everything good again. (Or words to that effect). Franky doesn’t have time to dwell on this too much, and starts running, running like a sprinter on the juice, until she arrives across the road from a Counselling Service, right at the moment, one Bridget Westfall is exiting the building. “I love you,” she calls out. “And I’ll be back!” Bridget looks a mixture of confused, bemused and just plain shocked… Hardly the reunion they experienced at the end of season 3!

Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find…?

Meanwhile, deep in the darkness of the bush, someone is digging a hole. Then someone is refilling that hole. And in that hole is a box. An escape box. And inside that box is Joan Ferguson, who is just starting to grasp the enormity of the desperation on the situation she is in. She is being buried alive by a man in a black hoodie. She flicks the lighter on to see Allie’s picture of Bea looking down at her, and the realisation of the whole plan that she has been sucked into, and the revenge that has been brought down upon her hits her like a tonne of heavy sand on top of a plywood box as the plywood cracks and some soil slips through.

I have a bad feeling about this.

There’s an unholy scream, as we see Jake supervising her taking Allie’s place in the box, and obviously finishing her off with this grand burial… But wait, the man under the hoodie… the camera reveals to us is the all-round-Mr-Humanity himself… Will Jackson.

An old Kiwi proverb: The man with the spade is the one who digs the hole. (I might have just made that up).

And so ends Season 5 of Wentworth. 12 crazy, wild episodes that have really been mainly the Freak and Franky show. Whose stories will they shine the brightest light on next season after bringing us to this massive cliff-hanger here?

  • Does Joan get out of her horrifying grave?
  • Does Sonia survive the o/d?
  • What will happen to Franky now that she’s managed to get herself out of Wentworth?
  • Does Will have a change of heart and go back and dig up Joan?
  • Will Liz get caught?
  • Who will Allie be without Bea or Franky to inform her character?
  • Does Vera get the Governorship back?
  • Will Smiles smile?

All this and more for next season – I guess we’ll all just have to tune in for another year of the rollercoaster. Can you bear the wait??