The forgotten language [NSFW]
Creating happier relationships through sensual communication.
Pat Head Summitt
Pic by Kim Lee
I think we can all agree that communication is the essential ingredient to a successful relationship. Careers have been built on teaching and mastering its dynamics and we spend millions in an attempt to rectify the lack of it in a union. So then why is it that when a relationship ends due to the lack of sex or one strays to have sex with another, the masses rise up in protest claiming that sex isn’t the most important part of the relationship? Isn’t the connection experienced through a sexual encounter the equivalent to communicating?
Communication is defined as the process of transmitting information, a way that information is communicated, and a connection between bodily parts. Our mind tells us to react when we come in contact with something that could harm us. In the same respect, as we court our potential mate verbally, our sensual-self engages in a non-verbal courtship to determine if there is a mutual compatibility.
A past lover use to revel in her ability to make my body bend to the whim of her commands. No actual words were ever exchanged but my flesh tingled at her every movement. When we connected we did so because she silently spoke to me and my body understood her language.
When I choose to become intimate with someone and find that we are unable to connect sensually I immediately end the relationship. Some may say this is selfish of me, but I feel that if you cannot speak to my body, then you are unable to fully understand me.
There is, however, a trick to all of this. A relationship cannot be sustained on sex alone. And when the verbal communication is excellent in a relationship, it enhances the sensual side of it. I suggest that you discuss your needs on every level with your potential and take their sensual needs and wants into consideration when making your decision to proceed into a relationship.
First and foremost, before you even began to talk to someone else about what you need, you must first have an intimate conversation with yourself to figure out just what it is you desire.
Do me a favor: grab a nice glass of wine, pick up that notebook that you never write in, and ask yourself what is it that you truly desire. When you complete your list go back through it. Share your list with your partner or compare the traits of your potential to what you have written. Revisit your list as you continue to live out your life because as you mature and experience life your needs will change. But make sure that you include your most intimate desires because a person that you can simply have a good conversation with makes a great friend but the person who can touch your soul through words and intimacy makes a partner for a lifetime.