Resisting the urge to merge
How to avoid losing your identity when you’re in a relationship.
Pat Head Summitt
Pic by Kim Lee
We've all got that one couple in our lives that are inseparable. One of them is usually a very good friend, and the other is her partner you barely know. They are like conjoined twins. They can't go anywhere or do anything without each other. Isn't it just the cutest?
If you're anything like me, your response to that rhetorical question is "No!" with an added vomiting sound effect. So here is a little guide on what to expect, when one of your mates grows two heads, an extra torso and extra limbs, that she now refers to in a childlike voice, as "Babyyyy."
The rules are as follows:
1. When you invite your friend to dinner, the gf comes too, EVERY TIME (providing
your friend has permission to dine with you in the first place)
2. When you text her, the gf reads it, and possibly replies or answers her phone calls.
3. If you want to organize for a deep and meaningful where you're gearing up to spill your guts, you need to be prepared to share your inner most secrets with the gf you have just met also.
4. If you ever want to hit the town with her, the gf will also need to be there to dictate what time she goes home, how much she is allowed to drink and of course to make sure no one tries any funny business.
These signs may look like a death sentence when it comes to the friendship you once knew, but never fear, you can still save her! There is nothing like a little bit of a metaphoric slap out of lover’s lane and back into reality that can do someone a world of good.
I have a theory for this loss of identity. It's not as harsh as "jealously" or "possessiveness,” but I like to call it the fly on a windscreen theory. There is always one in the relationship who is more dominant we refer to her as "the car," then there is the gf who is splattered onto the windscreen. We call her "the fly."
For this reason and this reason alone, my gf and I have an unspoken agreement to have designated "friend only" nights. This is where you make time to hang out with your own mates, drink and have fun without the added burden of an extra body hanging off you.
Girlfriends are great, but everyone knows that sometimes the freedom and trust of being able to do something without her, truly makes both your relationship with your significant other, and your relationship with your friends stronger. After all, no one likes you when you're whipped, so if you are, it's time to grow a pair, and realize that you are your own person, your girlfriend is not an extension of yourself, but a separate (and hopefully wonderful) part of your life. It’s all about balance!
More at justanoldfashionedlesbian.com.