The girls decide that it’s time to stop using fertility treatments as an excuse.
On the last day of our holidays Amber and I headed to our Specialist. The appointment was in Amber’s name but we both like to go together when we can, Sometimes it’s good to go together because we can cheat a little and talk about both of us rather than just one of us. Kind of like having two appointments but only paying for one!
We had gone to see Dr W to check in with her since it had been a while since we had been there. We discussed our current situation and asked a couple of questions. Mainly being how many IUI attempts would I need to go through until I could then start trying IVF and is there a reason Amber was falling pregnant but not staying pregnant?
After all of our questions, she explained that there was testing we could do on Amber’s embryos, but since she had only had two IVF cycles it probably wasn’t worth all of the money, time and trauma to the embryo to do any testing on them just yet. We had said to the Dr that I was definitely having one more IUI cycle before the end of the year and we would seriously think about what to do with Amber in 2013. Amber had mentioned she wanted her body to be in a healthier state before then so maybe I would continue onto a possible 6 cycles before Amber starts up again.
We left the Doctors a little indecisive but knew we at least needed to do something about our health and wellbeing. We had been watching the third series of The Real L word where they showed the second part of a couple’s journey with their pregnancy. Thankfully we already knew so it wasn’t a shock that the couple on the show had lost their baby at 5 months. It was heartbreaking to watch but also good because everything they said, explained and went through, it felt we had gone through it too – we needed to see their struggle to realise we were struggling ourselves.
They mentioned on the show how hard it was for them to leave the house, Amber and I looked at each other because I think we both realised this is something we have done all year. Even though it’s been four years since we lost our baby, all of the years of fertility treatment and not falling pregnant had paid its toll. We both work together and then we come home and hang out together, rarely wanting to venture off too far from home (our comfort zone) We realised then that we were using not falling pregnant as an excuse not to do things with anyone other than work friends and occasionally family. We had recently received a text from one of Amber’s friend asking if we wanted to play in a social softball league on Friday nights. We originally said no because we were trying for a baby – after talking to the Doctor and then realising we were using all of this as an excuse, we thought WHY NOT?! We texted her back about a week later and said we would both start playing if they still needed players and if one of us got pregnant then that one would stop.
I’ve mentioned it before – I get so nervous around new people. I feel like I am saying words that make no sense and I get very shy talking about myself. We only knew one person and everyone else were strangers. I happened to be wearing a T-shirt of the softball team Amber played for in Tom Price when we lived up north and a lady came up and said SNAP as she was wearing a hat to match my top. It worked out that she knew Amber’s sister up there and even played when Amber was up there too. A few of the other girls seemed to have familiar faces so before long we were both feeling at ease.
We have played with them for a couple of weeks now and Amber and I are enjoying it so much. It’s very social and played on Friday nights which is good as we are not playing in the heat of the day to mess with Amber’s migraines and social is good for me as I don’t feel much pressure. We are getting out of the house and making new friends. We are both showing our own personalities with them now (me especially as I don’t feel SO nervous anymore) and look forward to each week when we play. I am still getting used to everyone’s names but we are getting there, I cheat a little and remember people’s names by what their number is! We had a fun game last night after playing a ‘playing for sheep stations’ team so we all had a good laugh together after the game.
One other way for me to get out of the house a couple of weeks ago, was for my 10 year High school reunion. I was very apprehensive about going to be perfectly honest. I wasn’t sure exactly who was going and there were people I was not too keen about seeing again. After a lot of umming and ahhing I decided to suck it up and just go. I went with a small group of old school friends, I felt better going with people rather than alone because I was already nervous without showing up on my own and sitting in a corner all night!
It ended up being a great night, but funnily didn’t talk to A LOT of people – but did give a smile and wave to most. I was a little disappointed that most of the people I hung out with at school and wanted to see weren’t there but I ended up talking to a girl who I hadn’t seen since the end of 2000. I knew she was also gay, so we ended up mostly talking about baby making and all of that. It felt strange being the person that knew all about donors and fertility centres and ovulation and all of that kind of thing. Amber didn’t go and I was surprised with how much I actually knew (mostly only since I have started going through it myself) It was good to be able to answer questions and more importantly it felt like I had made another new (but old) friend.
Before I knew it the night had ended and I had caught up and touched base with a few people from the old high school days, it did make me feel old though being at a pub/club and talking to people over loud music. I just never got into all of that. I needed to get home though so I could rest up as the next morning was an insemination day. I had seen my good ol Nurse S that day and she had said she hoped it would be either that day or the Sunday. They called that day to let me know that Sunday was the day!
As I lay in bed that night I was thankful for new friends made who we can also share our story with. I was also just really wishing and praying that the last pregnancy attempt for 2012 would be the one positive we had been waiting so long for.
