What Its Like To Attend A Swingers Party As A Single Woman
Tips and tricks for you to know before attending your first party, to have the time of your life.
Credit: Mischief Lane Media
Going to your first swingers party is incredibly scary. A room filled with naked people having sex, oh my!
I’ve been an avid swinger for a few years now and attending swingers parties has become as easy as grocery shopping, to me. But the night of my first party I was shaking like a leaf, and had to down a whole bottle of wine to shake the nerves.
But, I had an amazing night and quickly got addicted to the thrill of parties.
You know that thrill of the attraction of having sex with someone you are attracted to, for the very first time? Try that, but multiply it. Swinger parties are the thrill of the hunt and the thrill of the catch, as many times a night as you would like.
Read on for the all of the things you should know, before attending your first swingers party as a single female!
Do your research.
What do you want to get out of the experience? Do you want to play with men, women, couples or a mix of all three?
Do you want to attend a house party or a commercial venue? Go somewhere close to you or travel further? Do you want to attend a small party or one that attracts a big crowd?
Parties are usually broken into two categories, couples parties which includes straight couples and single women, and players parties which are single men, women, and couples. Then there are specialised parties which are women only affairs, and parties that cater to the trans community.
Most parties are run where either you ‘dress down’ on arrival or after an hour or so, with some social time thrown in at the start, to chat and get to know people.
Researching the party you would like to attend by searching websites like red hot pie, AMM, and directories that list the swingers parties in your state, helps you make an informed choice on the party you attend.
No one is going to judge you.
I know the first time I attended a party as a plus size woman, I was greatly worried that I wouldn’t get any play at the party, or that I’d wear the wrong thing, etc.
Especially as a woman, you have to fight through internalised shame, self-confidence, and issues around sex to even get yourself to the point of thinking about going. Walking into a party and quickly stripping to your lingerie and walking around half naked, can be really confronting and nerve-inducing.
Instead, I found that the swinging scene includes some of the kindest and sweet people I have ever encountered. Sometimes I spend more time at parties socialising and having a laugh than getting down to it, parties can be social spaces too!
Parties are down to earth environments where no one is judged based on looks or status. It doesn’t matter whether you are a CEO or a primary school teacher, skinny or chubby, everyone is polite and nice.
I worried incessantly the first time I went about what to wear, imagining gorgeous models walking around wearing La Perla. Honestly, no one cares what you wear to a party, as long as you're comfortable and confident. Wear what makes you feel sexy!
(Some parties run with costume themes but they usually advertise this before the night, to give you time to prepare.)
Know your boundaries.
The first rule of parties, is no means no. If you go to a commercial venue there is likely to be posters up on the walls everywhere saying this, and if you go to a private venue the host will walk you through these rules and the set up of the party when you walk in.
Parties are no pressure environments, you don’t have to go and play if you attend a party. You can just go and watch or socialise. No one is going to push you into something you aren’t ready for!
Parties are well run by staff/hosts that have been doing so for years. They are safe spaces to explore, but parties are also about asserting your boundaries, if someone touches you without asking tell them thats not okay.
If they do something you don’t like, say so. If someone doesn’t appreciate your boundaries, let the hosts or management know and they will deal with it.
Swingers parties are places to experiment.
Many people attend swingers parties to experiment and try new things. Do you and your partner want to try out new things, maybe your first threesome or chance at group sex?
Many women also play with a woman for the first time at a party, I know I did. It is a sex-positive environment where you can try many new things.
Many parties also have elements to BDSM to them and open up the chance to try something kinky and exciting. Want to get tied up, try playing with candle wax or some spanking? That can happen at parties, mattering on which one you pick.
Some parties are more straight or non-kink focused than others. The ones that are more open to a range of fun will usually include it in their advertising.
Don’t set your expectations too high.
Sometimes people go into parties and expect to see the kind of sex scenes you see in ’50 Shades of Grey’ or a room filled with writhing bodies. It's not always like that.
Most parties are open to all kinds of people, sometimes they are busy and sometimes they are quiet nights.
If you go to a party expecting to have a crazy orgy, but maybe only end up connecting with one person, don’t be disappointed!
'High possibility, low expectation' is a good mindset to go in with - you don't owe anybody there anything, and they don't owe you either! That being said, make of the night what you want and go with the flow.
Most importantly, have fun! Explore your sexuality in a welcoming environment and make some memories!
Is this something that interests you? Check this out.
Rain Morgan is an independent escort and Journalism student in Melbourne. She has written for Junkee and SBS in the past. You can follow her on Twitter at @rainmorgan33.