We Ask “Would You Date A Bi Woman?”
Our lesbian readers answer
There’s no doubt about it – bisexuals can get some pretty bad press from certain sectors of the lesbian community. Untrustworthy, greedy, “tourists”, guilty of “straight privilege”, even secretly straight… the list goes on. Let’s face it, we bis aren’t top of everyone’s dating list. But of course, it’s only by having a dialogue that we can sort out our differences. We decided to bite the bullet and invite a group of lesbian LOTL readers to give their frank opinions on the topic of dating bi women/female-spectrum folk…
“My first partner was bisexual and, to be honest, I probably wouldn't go there again. I was very young at the time and overlooked her bisexuality, thinking if we settled down she'd grow out of it and happily stick with me. She did eventually go off with a man. Since then I have only dated lesbians as I feel more secure being in a relationship with someone of the same sexual orientation as me. I imagine true bisexuality to be extremely rare. There are so many people now claiming to be a bi that I do wonder if it has become a bit of a fad.”
“I’ve never had any trouble dating bi women. Bisexuality confuses people and makes them insecure, which then encourages them to hide behind these anti-bi stereotypes. People like it 'simple,' but in the end it's important to realize that someone's sexual orientation won’t always fit into the little boxes/categories that you want it to.”
“It’s never come up as an option for me. I’d honestly have to decide based on the woman involved. I’d rather date a lesbian, but if there was a bi woman I really liked I might take the risk. My best friend dated a bi woman for a year and they ended up fighting over it all the time. But I don’t think it was the best relationship anyway, regardless of her partner’s sexuality. Sometimes it’s hard to see past what friends and the media say about bisexuality and decide how you actually feel.”
“I’ve dated a bi woman, and she was actually really cool. Except, she hid that she was bi and only came out to me a few months into the relationship. I was hurt and felt that this dishonesty wasn't okay. I would never have dated her if I knew to begin with. The reason I don't want to date a bisexual is because I want to date a lesbian, someone who shares my identity and world view and is like me.”
“Most of my partners have been bi, by coincidence rather than design, and it’s never caused an issue. Well, only when I started seeing my first bi partner and I told her she was welcome to see other people. I wasn’t happy about the idea, but I would’ve done anything to keep her, and in my naivety I assumed she’d want to date men as well. She took a deep breath and quite rightly explained a few things about what it means – and doesn’t mean - to be bisexual!”
“I don’t think I would ever consider dating a bi woman. I would feel threatened by the idea of a man taking her away, or that fact that me having a vagina could prove a problem. If we wanted children, for instance, I would feel like I was never enough.”
“My current partner is bi. In fact, I was warned off her when I met her for that very reason. Five years later, I’m so glad I didn’t listen, although I did have reservations at first. And even though she mainly dated men before me, it’s clear to anyone who knows us that we’re in love. It doesn’t matter to me what her past was.”
So, the verdict was definitely split. Some of you were vocal bi-lady lovers, others said that polysexual partners were definitely off the menu and a couple of you fell somewhere in between. What’s the answer, then, when it comes to trying to increase the peace between lesbian and bi women? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below!
Charlotte Dingle is a freelance journalist and recent Master’s graduate who writes for DIVA, Planet Nation, Occupy and Cosmo. She is ex-editor of the Stonewall award-winning g3 magazine for lesbian and bisexual women, and was founding editor of Biscuit, a website for bisexual women which was also nominated for a Stonewall award under her editorship. Bisexuality and mental health crusader. Hobbies include hanging out with her kittens and morris dancing. Too many tattoos and piercings (well, that's what her mum said).