Lesbian Sex 101: The Cunnilingus Countdown
7 suggestions for a good, queer lickin'.
Chowing down on fish tacos, munching carpet, dining beneath the bridge, yodeling in the love canyon, lapping the labia - whatever you want to call it, cunnilingus is one of the staples of lesbian sex (and hello - any sex involving a vagina!).
As the sheer plethora of slang goes to show, being able to tackle the tongue-wash is an essential tool for the queer girl to have in her... box. Yet this quintessential lesbian sex act is rarely talked about, thanks to the trickle-down effect of overly heteronormative ideas of what "counts as sex” (a.k.a penis-in-vagina) which dictates what kind of sex education we get (a.k.a. diddly squat).
Here to supplement your lick-lustre sex ed are seven things to count down to killer cunnilingus that’ll make sure you’re lickin’ good before you go (down).
7. Look before you lap: Pleasuring another’s pussy is a lot like putting together a puzzle - something you wouldn’t opt to do in the dark. So why hit the lights when licking your lover? Watch where you’re going, bask in her box’s beauty, and score extra points by letting her know how cute her kitty really is.
6. Speak up before you go down: In the wise words of Diana Cage in her book Lesbian Sex Bible, “You cannot have a conversation and eat pussy at the same time. Of course, many lesbians have tried, but all of them have failed." It’s awfully hard to communicate with a mouth full of muff, and yet communication is key when it comes to consent and pleasure. So, ask your sweetie questions about her sweet-spots before you start tasting her sugar and verbally check in well before she starts heading to the peak of her climactic candy mountain.
5. Do (dental) damage control: Latex (and non-latex) barriers like dental dams help protect against STI/STD transmission via oral sex. Place one between your mouth and where you’re licking to make sure your fluids don’t mix, adding a little lube to her side to better transmit body heat and sensation.
4. Get lesbi-zen: When it comes to cunnlingus, it’s not what you do but how you do it; being present, focused and completely in-tune with your partner’s physical and vocal feedback will give you crucial cues about how you’re doing, where to go next, and when not to ever, ever, ever, stop.
3. Get your hands dirty: You don’t need to keep your hands tied behind your back - this isn’t a pie-eating contest (okay, it kind of is). Just because you’re getting lingual doesn’t mean you can’t also drive manual. Use the pads of your fingers to spread her labia to access her clitoris better, or insert a finger or two for dual stimulation via penetration (with permission, and gloves for safer-sex!). Your hands go a long way in keeping you connected, so don’t forget to run them over her breasts, belly, and booty, too!
2. Don’t clit it then quit it: Though our little hooded friend is required for orgasm for over 70% of us, she isn’t the only one worth smooching. When headed downtown, make sure to explore the avenues around the main attraction, especially when you’ve just arrived. Once your partner is warmed up, you can focus more on the clitoris with small circles and consistent stimulation until climax. Asking your partner to tell you when she’s close to climax before you get started is a great strategy so you don’t need to break contact with her clit once her hips start bucking.
1. Forget your ABCs: Tracing the alphabet is for tots, not for twats. Abandon all cunnilingus tips you’ve heard involving the alphabet and, instead, diversify your tongue techniques over time. Though you don’t want to stay in one place or do the same tongue motion for too long, you also don’t want to move L-M-N-O-P-fast.
Instead, work from the outside → in so that you move from less focused sensation (the thighs and outer labia) to more intense sensation (the inner labia and clitoris). Try circles, a wide flat tongue, broad strokes, and small figure-eights. Use what Allison Moon, author of Girl Sex 101, calls 'The Firm ‘O’': Make a firm ‘O’ shape with your mouth over the general area of the clitoris to add sensation-via-suction while you lick away.
No matter the technique, remember that the cunnilingus customer is always right. Take her lead and adjust to her responses. Whatever you do, don’t stop the speed, movement, pressure, and motion you happen to be doing as she gets close to climax. Don’t stop, baby. DON’T STOP.