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April Horoscope 2016

If the world shifts on its axis for us this April, don’t be surprised.


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Aries (March 21-April 20)

Is there anything or anyone who you will not do this April? Probably not, Aries. You have high energy and an insatiable appetite for risk that can take on global proportions. Your brash and brassy manner will take you far though, attracting many lovely admirers and making you famous... Or is it infamous? Ah, whatever gets you to the top of the Twitter feed.

Taurus (April 21-May 21)

The mysteries of love reveal themselves to you and you are ready and raring to jump in. But make sure that your eyes are not too big for your stomach… or other parts, Taurus. You may have many choices of lovergrrls, many opportunities to connect and many experiences to savour. April takes you to new sensual heights. Does she have a friend for me?

Gemini (May 22-June 21)

Geminis will have to balance the needs of partners with those of platonic gal pals this April. Will you be accused of spending too much time with one or the other? Each side will let you know what they think. Sigh. It will seem that everyone wants a piece of you. But, on the bright side, it is possible that they will ask for different pieces. Oh if you could just parse yourself out!

Cancer (June 22-July 23)

Turn on the charm at work and see if you can use your personal oil to more easily slide your way up the corporate ladder. But you will need to balance all that hot oil with your elbow and axle grease efforts. Don’t delegate your projects while you mingle. Slippery diplomacy on its own will not get you the promotion you deserve, Cancer. But it will make you hard to hold down.

Leo (July 24-Aug 23)

Lionesses will feel the need to wander the plains this April and expand their horizons. There might be someone waiting for you at the end of the world… or hopefully at some fabulous beach resort. Swimsuits are optional. Use the time to explore new vistas and assorted exotic nooks and crannies and see the world from an entirely different position. Err prone?

Virgo (Aug 24-Sept 23)

You have a sexual appetite that will be hard to sate now. Maybe it is because your need for connection on a deeply physical level makes you unusually intense and seductive. You burn with passion. Why ask why? Don’t waste time pondering the possibilities. Go for the gusto and see whose heart and soul (and more) you can capture. April leads us to May and June. Orgy time, Virgo!

Libra (Sept 24-Oct 23).

If you have found your soulmate, make her feel especially special. If you are looking for a relationship, you may find it this April. The secret of your success, Libra, is to get out there and look. You have that certain something that sets you apart from the Pride pack. Even a small effort of Outreach will bring many lovely ladies to your door. How to choose? How to choose?

Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)

Working hard this April will have its payoff down the road, Scorpio. So consider spending more time around the office and see who sidles by your cubicle. Then arrange your personnel meetings in the supply room. For those with a lot of “to dos” on their “to do” list, start tackling each task one by one now. And if you see a certain name on that list, be sure to do her too. 

Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22)

Welcome a time of creativity and fun this April. But things can easily go into overdrive as your presence is demanded all over town. You attract a flock wherever you go, which can be intoxicating and stimulating. Party hearty Sagittarians will not know where to boogie next as their festive schedule fills to overflowing. Be careful of your spillage, lest you slip.

Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)

Capricorns will find the time to fully enjoy their personal surroundings this April. But don’t enjoy it all alone. Either canoodle with your lovergrrl or invite a bevy of bosom buddies over for a noodling. Some have a few mischievous things up their sleeves. Others have mischievous things in other areas of their attire. Maybe it’s time for a scavenger hunt. Heh, heh.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb 19)

Plan your course of action carefully, Aqueerius, and see if you can get exactly what you want without compromising too much. You can be especially charming and persuasive now and seem to know just what to say to sweep a woman off her feet. Now that you have her exactly where you want her, you can start to become a bit compromised yourself.

Pisces (Feb 20-March 20)

Get up and Out and show the world what you’ve got this April, Guppie. The fates will offer you many opportunities to showcase your talents and implement some of your long-deferred personal plans. You will not only attract admirers but also women of influence who can get you to where you want (and need) to go. Ah, but do you know where you really want to go?

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